santarosamom

Conversation, ideas and events for parents in Santa Rosa and Sonoma County

I am becoming increasing disturbed by the way parents let their children act and the example they set.

Three examples I will use: (first my son is an autistic 5 yo)

At Fairytale Town in Sac, children are running around playing willy nilly. No problem, its a park, they are kids, thats what it's there for. I took my son to the one slide that was being minimally used and in the really little kids area. We waited patiently our turn as the one kid ran back up and cut in line over and over. When it was our turn, I had my son ON the slide. This child literally pushed my son off the top of the slide to get on. If I wasn't holding him he would've fallen off the slide. This kid was maybe 6-8 yo? I snapped. I yelled at him that that was not nice. He was not to push people and he needed to wait his turn. He turned and gave me the nastiest look. His mother was at the bottom of the slide. (at least I assume it was hers, because she was following him to a new area at one point) And did nothing, even though I am pretty positive she heard me because my friend standing next to her heard me loud and clear. The child continued running and pushing other kids around so he could take his turn without waiting. We left the area.

In the grocery, the aisles aren't exactly wide. A mother and her two girls probably aged 8 & 12 or there-abouts based on size. They stood blocking a whole aisle while they chatted. I waited patiently. Both kids looked at me. Mom looked at me. I said - Excuse me. They stared and did not move just kept talking. I literally stood there for over a minute waiting for one of them to make room so I could move by them. Finally the youngest girl stepped aside a little so i could pass - nothing said by her mother. The mother glared at me like I was so rude for wanting to get past and making her child move.

On the sidewalk, my son in a stroller, my hubby and me walking. We are aware of others, when someone else comes across our path, we step to single file so that we can all share the sidewalk. We turn a corner ON THE SIDEWALK and a kid on a bike almost runs into me. I step into a fence to have this child avoid running into me on the sidewalk. He stops. Mom on a big bike pulling a wagon and another little girl come up behind him on their bikes - taking the full sidewalk. And stop surrounding and blocking all 3 of us basically up against this fence. The mom looked at us, and decided to ask her kids where they wanted to go next. I said excuse me. And she ignored me. They stayed talking about where they wanted to go next, blocking us in for several minutes before finally weaving away. Never saying anything. Oh did I forget to mention the street we were on is considered a "bike route" and bikes are constantly on the road. And it's residential area so no need to worry about cars barrelling into them.

I am not even going to go into the adult WOMEN who push past my son because they are too impatient to wait for the 2 seconds it takes him to walk around like a garbage can or something obstructing the sidewalk. Or are completely rude when I say excuse me trying to get around a place where they are standing talking blocking access to somewhere. They are adults. I am talking about our kids! Our Future.

Please moms, there are millions of other people in the world. These little things are teaching your kids it is okay to treat people poorly. It's just common respect and decency. I don't think I am asking for anything out of line. Our world is going to be a really sad place if every one treats others this way. My mom taught me to say please and thank you, not NOW! In the south, kids are taught ma'am and sir, and its a form of common respect for their elders. They teach the boys in my son's old school to open doors for others and be gentlemen. You teach by example, and when your kids see you being rude and acting like you are the only person around or at least the only one that matters, then they are going to think that is okay, and that's how they will grow up acting and treating others.

Every day I see something like this. Not all moms, don't get me wrong. I see plenty of moms, who give their child instruction or discipline, remind them to say please or thank you, set examples by saying please, thank you, excuse me or sorry. Setting a good example.

But moms, please, your kids are watching you! They are learning by your example. And honestly one of these days, one of these women or their kids are going to hit me on a bad day and I'm going to snap and start yelling about how rude they are and how they are teaching their children to be rude and are the downfall of society. I don't want confrontation, and I understand kids are kids, and may not do things they should, but when they are with you, please try to set a good example. And in the end, not only will you child be a better person, but you will also and the world will be a little bit nicer.

Ask yourself, do you like being treated like that? How would you feel if it was happening to your child or your elderly parents?

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I couldn't agree more. I limit my trips to town where I have to interact with people for exact reasons as these. I just don't understand how people can be so self centered and rude.

I myself also notice the lack of manners in both children and adults these day. I have to admit that I was GREATLY perturbed at the fact you SNAPPED at someone elses child. YOU are an adult and YES how you act teaches not only your child but other children around you how to act. You just taught your son AND that child how to deal with a situation! "I snapped. I yelled at him that that was not nice." So is that your excuse for yelling? hmmmmmm as a child I just learned FROM YOU that snapping when someone was rude, is okay to do! I would be more impressed if you were to exhibit the same behavior to other children that you expect from other mothers. Had that been my child you snapped at, you would have heard from me. ANY mom who has a problem with my childs behavior best come talk to me, like an adult, and say "hey did you know what your kid just did?" I will deal with , my child and correct my childs behavior. Check your own side of the street and pull the log out of your own eye, before you take the speck the dust out of someone elses! A child is taught not only by their parents but the behavior of others around that child. It takes a VILLAGE to raise a kid! Take a deep breath, and remember to show polietness and manners to those children, that may be the only lesson they get! Is from you! BE the change you want to see in this world, the children around you will notice! Exhibt the manners that you want to see, they gotta learn somewhere..... Your own words "treat others as you want them to treat you". The Golden Rule ma'am.

Naomi, you may feel I was in the wrong by snapping at that child, but I continually watched him cut in front of children pushing them aside and I don't know if you missed the part that he PUSHED MY CHILD OFF the TOP of a slide. If I had not have been there my child would have fallen several feet to the ground and been seriously injured. He was not only pushing my child but other children too. You make it sound like I should have grabbed the child, and dragged him to his mother? No, I will not touch another person's child. Sometimes a child needs to be told NO. That's what makes a child aware that they are doing something wrong. Obviously the mom had no problem with my yelling at her child because she did not say a word to me or her child, in fact she turned her head and ignored us. Trust me, if my child were to push another child down, and another mother saw it, I would not have a problem with someone telling him, no that was not nice. I would thank them for seeing it and calling it to their and my attention. Like you said, it takes a village, and if a parent isn't willing to step up and tell her child that their behavior is wrong, then if it is directed at my child, you can damn well bet I will. I do not feel I was in the wrong in any way for sticking up and protecting my child - I did not call him names. I told him his behavior was wrong. You said "As a child I just learned from you that it is okay that snapping when someone was rude is okay to do." No - I snapped because he physically pushed my child and could have harmed him. I taught that and the other children that it is okay to stand up for yourself or someone who can't when someone else is hurting them or treating them badly.

I take a lot. And I know I am not a perfect person, but I am aware. I try my hardest to be a good person. I have actually gone back to someone the next day to apologize for being rude, because it was no fault of theirs I was having a bad day. I bite my tongue more than any one will ever know.

Bravo Leah, I would have done the same thing. Honestly I don't know if I would have been that polite. While I would have corrected the child as well, I would have also given the mother hell for allowing her child to act like that and expecting other people to let it happen.

Leah i do agree with your concerns, but Naomi said exactly what I was thinking. Unfortunately, I dont think this blog attracts parents they care to receive advice :/

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